SING THIS ONE...

To the tune of the Gordon Lightfoot classic,
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald":
______________

That Fella Called Patrick Fitzgerald

The blame in this town, from Dick Cheney on down
Is proving their trickle down theory
The White House ‘tis said, wants the people misled
And the outlook’s increasingly dreary.

Karl Rove wouldn’t go when the polls dipped so low
And Scooter was clearly in peril
Rove could be “Source A” but he still wants to play
With the one they call Patrick Fitzgerald

The public won’t mind, we’ll just hand them a line
(A terror alert ought to quell it)
And it’s still not too late for an ethics debate
(Tho’ they’ll have to teach Dubya to spell it)

Then November came, now the President’s lame
And Republicans over a barrel
Scooter’s perjury trial will be handled in style
By the man they call Patrick Fitzgerald

When Bill Clinton lied, not a single soul died
And “that woman” now takes on new meaning
There is no denim dress, but its still a big mess
And while dangerous, much less demeaning

Remember Iraq was about to attack
With their weapons of massive destruction?
Now on CNN, we see Cheney’s old friends
Making millions in post-reconstruction

Joe Wilson cried fake, there is no yellow cake
But the rich were convinced we would eat it
“We cannot allow him to question us now”
So they called up their friends in the media

Now 2,000 have died from the Pentagon’s lies
While the oil comp’ny profits are surging
There is no one to blame for outing Ms. Plame,
Though the truth is quite slowly emerging.

There is talk in this town that what goes around
Will come back to haunt you much later,
Last time it was sex, this is much more complex
You might even say Scooter’s a traitor.

The White House ‘tis said, wanted people misled
And now the whole country’s in peril,
Will justice be served? My judgements reserved.
All eyes are on Patrick Fitzgerald.

DODI'S DADDY IS DA' BABY DADDY

Wouldn't that be a kicker...next thing ya know, Mohammed al Fayed, famous father of Princess Diana's last boyfriend, will be claiming conspiracy theory. As in..."Anna Nicole was pregnant with my lovechild, and done in, as a result, by the British Royal Family..."

Hey. Look around. This could happen...

If I'd written "what if Zsa Zsa's royal, eighth hubby stakes a claim to Dannilyn" a few days ago, c'mon, what would you have said?

So...nominate your most outlandish 'Baby Daddy' here. If it comes true, you win a prize of obvious proportion.

YOU DON'T KNOW SNARK?!?

If you're a writer and you don't know Miss Snark, you should!

I am hereby thrilled to belatedly announce that I won Her Snarkiness' Red Letter Day writing contest, with the following ditty (had to use the words cabal, dragoon, etc.)
_______

BATTLE HYMN OF THE SNARK

Mine eyes have seen the blogging of the one they call the Snark,
I've read her in the morning, I've read her in the dark,
I know she keeps a Yapper, tho' I've never heard him bark,
Her truth it keeps us strong.

Chorus:
Will we, will we ever publish?
Will we, will we ever publish?
Miss Snark, she keeps us strong.

She is dressed in glorious colors like a heav'ly armed dragoon,
Using only crispest verbage she is ready to harpoon
The very latest nitwit, or a scammer she'll impugn,
Her blog is marching on.

I've read her fiery gospels 'gainst the evil enterprise
Of paying to be published, which is very ill-advised,
We know she is our champion, though we often agonize
It's taking way too long!

Her cabal has spawned a fan club 'tho some fear it is a cult,
We pledge undying homage if we publish as result,
We vilify the Baur, but in Snark we do exult,
Her truth it keeps us strong.

She sends us off to gall'ries, we consider notes of Strauss,
She helps us keep clear-headed, her thoughts we do espouse,
We feel we've got some friends, although we rarely leave the house,
Her blog it keeps us strong.

We'd gladly pay retainer if she'd only take us on,
We're convinced we could be famous, the world has got us wrong,
We take our clue gun hits because her tough love makes us strong,
Her truth keeps marching on.

THIS COULD BE HUGE

I went to a restaurant in Maryland once, and they had these "fat-free-fries" on the menu. They were great. They made them in this little convection-type oven. Something tall and rectangular that created a lot of air inside. I don't know the real details. But the 'fries' came out crisp and tasty and they satisfied my ketchup and salt craving, but they were FAT FREE!

What if McDonald's introduced a Fat-Free Fry? Or what if they had a "no-fry zone" on their menu? Lots of things that were healthier choices, but still available on the run.

Call me crazy, but I've even eaten celery stalks with salt and ketchup and they were yummy. What if kids started getting little packs of celery sticks with their "happy but greasy" meals. What if they got used to that at a young age? I've already heard that kids are selecting healthier alternatives at Micky D's now, when they have the option...

COVER YOUR SHAME...(Funny)...

Here's what to do with that "W" sticker on the back of your BMW SUV....

Now you can "Cover your Shame"

Think fig leaf...as in too little, too later perhaps...but still slightly less embarrassing...

ELECTION SONG

So we're still talking politics...and my brother had this idea...which turned into a song:

Election Blues
(sung to the Crystal Gayle classic, “Brown Eyes Blue”)

All day long I wait to view
Voting results on the tube
Hoping I’ll be able to
Watch them turn the red states blue

I’ll be fine, once they’re gone
Those friends of Foley and Exxon
Did we finally get a clue?
Will we turn the red states blue?

Here come the pundits, don’t make me cry
Please give us all a November surprise,
Tell me America’s through with those guys,
Help us break free of the war and the lies.

We didn’t mean to wait so long
To figure out the Right is wrong
Now there’s one thing left to do--
Won’t you turn the red states,
Won’t you turn the red states,
Won’t you turn the red states blue?

Don’t you want a new world view?
Can’t you see it’s overdue?
Won’t you turn the red states,
Won’t you turn the red states,
Won’t you turn the red states blue?

I want to see ol' Dubya weep,
Ratings tonight will beat the sweeps...
Oh, won't you turn the red states,
Won't you turn the red states,
Won't you turn the red states blue?

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